Stinky Muldoon

By quarkstomperquarkstomper

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The Story

Seamus P. Muldoon, ("Stinky" to his friends), is a six-foot tall white ferret who occasionally pops up in my campaigns. He's friendly, cheerful and speaks with a bit of an Irish lilt in his voice. He can usually be seen with a pushcart, selling various and exotic wares: Rings of Invisibility, Singing Swords, Enchanted Lingere, whatever might seem interesting. Sometimes these are items of minor enchantment, such as the Enchanted Coffee Cup that fills on command; or the Point of Light, an ever-glowing ember suspended in a lantern; useful for lighting tapers, but little else. Sometimes these are mundane items, but unusual for other reasons, such as the tin lunchbox with a picture of a scimitar-wielding drow elf on the side, or the bottle labeld "quenchdragon" which is actually an antacid. Sometimes the items possess powerful magic and unexpected side effects, such as the Gloves of Groping, which grant the user bonuses to dexterity and lockpicking, but also compel him to fondle the fannies of passing strangers at inconvenient moments.

No one knows why Muldoon is a ferret. Does he come from a place where six-foot ferrets are common? Or was he once human and now suffers under a curse? Muldoon doesn't talk about it, and bringing up the subject is about the only thing that sours his cheerful mood. He seems to regard himself as normal and doesn't seem aware that there's anything peculiar about himself.

I originally created Stinky for a D&D campaign, but I've used him elsewhere too. I've run a number of "D-Hopper" games, in which the players travel to alternate universes, and Stinky's been known to turn up in those. Perhaps he can travel between dimensions, either through innate ability or through one of the devices in his inventory.

Wherever he turns up, he always has a piece of merchandise he's sure you'll like.

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